James Bond, Leonardo DiCaprio and too many Australians

Thailand

New Years 2012/2013

December 30 - January 3

Phuket

So we arrived in Phuket pretty late, after a very long day, and still had a one hour drive to the hotel. We had elected to stay in a pretty fancy resort for this part of the tour, and though I balked at the price and may have moaned about it a trifle, the hotel was nice.

Those who read my India blogs may remember my idea of an awesome hotel is quite kitschy with history and character and a unique, cultural approach, and of course, above all - CLEAN. I am not too enamored by big resorts or fancy rooms that could be in any country in the world, and that is why I enjoyed our Chiang Mai hotel much more than the Phuket one, but I must condescend to say that the service and the pools in this place were unparalleled, and the location was superb. And the breakfast....but more about THAT later.

That is what $150 a night gets you! And yes, that is Lord of the Rings on the TV. I waited until JUST the right moment - Frodo holding out the ring, to take the picture.

So there was a whole separate building for breakfast, and when Alex and I walked in it was palatial. There was a huge 'omelet and egg to order' counter, rows of danishes and rolls, noodles (still odd) and bacon. Then we found the pankake MACHINE. You just pushed a button, and with a whirr and a pop, 2 fell out of the thing and onto your plate. Magical. And lastly, we found the waffles.

Alex's face upon the waffle discovery.

And after at least two servings each (my Middle East starved-of-pork-attitude saw 2 helpings of delicious, crispy bacon) Gemma and Sarah turned up, and this is Alex face at Sarah's approach to the all-you-can-eat buffet:

Alex's plate is on the left after she had finished, Sarah's untouched plate(right) has one measly curl of bacon and two titchy pancakes. Come on girl! Play the Game!

The first day was a bit of a relax and lie back kind of day, with a meeting to plan sightseeing trips late morning, so Lex and I headed for a wander down Patong Beach while Sarah and Gem had a swim amongst the frangipanis in one of the hotel pools.

A bit overcast, but HUMID!

After planning the next few days with a great couple who were full of fab advice, we hit the pool for some VERY blue cocktails next to an Australian "person". This guy had bleached tips straight out of the late 90's, with a tattoo that took up the whole left side of his torso of the Southern Cross (Aussie Style with the extra stars), and inside the stars was a boxing kangaroo draped in the Australian flag, he pronounced Australia "Stray-ya" and had a more Steve Irwiny accent than Steve Irwin. He proceeded to confidently hit on us as we fairly obviously made fun of him, with the bartenders help, and was extraordinarily and vociferously proud of his lack of educated mental ability.

That night we treated ourselves to the most famous seafood restaurant in Phuket - the Savoey, and Alex and I proceeded to order the lobster without asking the price. Ah-whoopsies! It was delicious though, and the drinks were just fun!

On the beach that night we all lit these beautiful lanterns and sent them soaring north over the hills, and then happily and smugly watched as handfuls of other (yes, Australian) idiots tried to do the same, but couldn't understand why they didn't fly away as soon as the light was lit, and watched their own lanterns as they crashed and burned into the water.

Red dresses and sandy bums on the way home.

The next morning we were up and waffle-ing at the crack of dawn, to catch a boat up north to Phang Nga Bay, which has the famous "James Bond Island" (Khao Phing Kan), affectionately re-named after 'The Man with the Golden Gun' was filmed in the bay in 1974. 

The boats we went out on were these huge speedboats, with 3 huge 250cc engines, and man, could they move! Once the waifish princess, who plagued our day with her preciousness, had freaked out and vacated the prime front position, we moved in and snabbed the key spot, and I was very glad I had plaited my hair that morning.

It is so fast!!!

When we got to the wee bay, it was postcard perfect: 

The next stop for the day was a huge floating barge, and we transferred from there to two person canoes to be paddled around the limestone-mangrove jungle of the bay.

Me and Lex

Sarah and Gem

Lying down to pass under a gap in the rock.

Our guy pulled in at this wee cove for a photo stop - it was lovely. He was really working for his tip - tried telling us all this information, and loved pointing out rocks that were mimicking animals, but unfortunately I did not have enough to tip him what I thought he deserved!

For lunch we stopped off at a floating Muslim village anchored to a looming island. The food was good, the pressure to spend a fortune on the same items we had seen everywhere, was not.

On the way home in the afternoon we stopped at a little cave to see the inner workings of the limestone behemoths. 

We held on extra tight as the boats careened back to Phuket.

That night was New Years, and we made it home with 20 minutes to spare until New Zealand New Year (Thailand 6pm). We jumped into the hotel pool and planned to get a fancy schmancy cocktails to celebrate, but the bar closed due to the New Year's licences on the beach. Undaunted, I handed over my phone and got the barman to put on Hendrix playing Auld Lang Syne and we made a right Kiwi scene in front or a few disdainful Australians.

Haaapppy New YEAR!

After, we threw on fancy clothes while having mini-bar Chiang beer and headed off to find sustenance and more cocktails.

Aww LOOK what we found on the way!!! On my head is a gibbon, and in my hands is a Slow Loris (Bush Baby). It has to be the cutest thing I have EVER touched (sorry kitten!) and it purred, just like a kitty.

After some serious santising, we found a restaurant with cocktail specials, all ordered cocktails that weren't part of the special and watched the ludicrous New Years outfits walk down the street, all speaking in an Australian accent.

After dinner we headed to the waterfront and watched a SOLID two hours of fireworks, all being let off by drunk amateurs, all (I am confidently sure) illegal in normal countries. It was intense, and the closer to midnight, the more smoke and bangs billowed from the crescent bay. Unfortunately there was no countdown. I was watching my watch, but it was a good minute behind the people in front, and about 30 seconds after my watch went past, we were all just "Ah well, I guess that's New Year! A-woooo-hoo! Then they guy behind us proposed, and we all cheered and screamed, and then rolled our eyes as he soppily ruined it, describing the shenanigans he got into buy the ring, and how much he just *sob* LOVES HER.

We had a break day for the First, and hired tuk-tuks that took us to the burtterfly farm and a "hill with a great waterfall" that turned out to be "too many steps with a very unimpressive trickle". After sweating our way to where the steps petered out, we all looked at the little gush of a stream, took a total of 0 photos between us, and trudged back down.

After a late, late lunch we talked a tuk-tuk into taking us to Nai Harn Beach on the very southern tip of Phuket, with a stop at a recommend lookout. We were a bit worried about making the beach for a swim as it was getting very late, and the sun just plummets down at about 6.30, but we figured we would give it a go. It turned out phenomenally well, and we couldn't have planned it better: we made it to the beach about 10 minutes before sunset, and watched the sky play out in incredible colours from the water.

The next day we headed back onto the monster speedboats to go south to Koh Phi Phi (Ko Pee Pee), and we weaseled into the prime spot again. This day, it was much rougher, and there were some serious airborne moments, with some very sore arm and tummy muscles the next day, but exhilaration nonetheless. 

Alex was the only one 'cool' enough to think to take off the mask.

We went snorkeling for much too short a time, jumped of the front of the boat into a horshoe bay with 20m deep water and then hit 'The Beach' beach. The movie was filmed in 2000 and stars Leo DiCaprio as he finds a hidden cult that lives in this perfect paradise hidden in amongst the Koh Phi Phi islands.

Unfortunately, it was hideously overcrowded, but the sand was still parchment-white and the view out from the sand was awe inspiring.

A different beach!

Living in the togs - so many swims!

That night we tentatively 'hit' Bangla Road - the center of Patong, and the strip of heinous bars dripping with STDs and 'ping-pong' shows. Thai vendors on the street would try to entice me in to buy their wares by a "G'day mayte!" in an admittedly good Aussie accent, and I would whip around with a frustrated "I am NOT Australian!" and most would just look at me like I was a different species. I came to the conclusion that Patong, in particular, is ONLY populated by Thai or Aussies. One guy did try to keep guessing our nationality, but when it got to "Pakistani?" he was just having a laugh.

Tiger Bar!

On the way to the airport the next day, we loaded up a violently pink tuk-tuk with sub-woofers and zoomed over the island with the melodic sounds of doof-doof, saying a final goodbye to the mini-truck tuk-tuks of Phuket.

Vroom!

Sawasdee Ka!

We returned to Bangkok for one more day, before we flew out and it was all over! We squeezed in the "floating markets" but I remain skeptical that we saw the real ones - they were extraordinary touristy, and quite expensive!

This guy was HEAVY!!

And that night, we headed out for a last meal and drink, went to bed and I flew back to the dust bowl. And two days later, I booked return tickets to Spain.